BODY DOUBLE - EXCERPT FROM BEDSIDE MANNERS

Text by Maya Davila

I have an insatiable hunger.

My body longs for a taste that has never reached my tongue,

and traveled down my throat,

slowly sinking itself deeper and deeper into the pits of my innermost desires.

I itch to fulfill these fantasies

and let my unlawful thoughts possess my very being.

Yet, I am on the outside looking in.

My mind remains caged, simultaneously spiraling and stagnant…

Perhaps I enjoy the chase? Do I dare relish in the anxiety of begging for forgiveness?

Perhaps I shall let these words escape my lips. Can you see me? Really, see me?

I shed my skin and continue to peel back my layers for your understanding,

I relinquish my comfort…

I relinquish any fight…

I fear I do this for you. 

I am on the outside looking in, a beast lurking in the shadows,

for I know this is unnatural.

Unnatural. A freak.

What a sinful creature I must be…

To comb through the mindfields of my obscenities,

picking away at forbidden cravings…

My thirst is prodigious, unnerving, and all-consuming,

and yet I remain witness to my own ritual.

My mouth will never plead to be forgiven,

My soul collects and feasts upon my pain, leaving scars across my mind and body,

for what does one see through the eyes of the beast?